Because I'm bad at keeping any other journal.

Frankenstein.

2008-01-29T06:35:53Z

It’s my LAST semester and I’m taking a couple of courses to fill the electives left for my degree. For “Research and Writing Elective” I chose, Philosophy 1600: The Study of Human Nature. Awesome. Human nature. Anthropology: Study of humans.. perfect… last semester.

Anyway. We read a few things by Plato and Socrates. Cool. And some cool shit is coming up later. Now we’re reading Frankenstien

I read the introduction and the preface that some monster fan, arts major wrote for the book who obviously was intoxicated with anything Frankenstein.

But man, she made the book sound fascinating. Made reference to Aristotle, Rousseau, Freud; raged against the patriarchy with cutting 18th century jive; questions “science run amok”, “Franken-food“.

It got me excited. Frankenstein. I like “the classics”.

Anyway. Letter 1..

You will rejoice to hear that no disaster has accompanied the commencement of an enterprise which you….

Shit man! I can’t read 210 pages of that.

Some guy who took the class semesters before me said Suma Rajiva (the prof) is cool but picks really boring books. I was like, no way man “Frankenstein’s a classic!”. I’m gonna look forward to that. It’s a book that you always say you’d like to have read. But yeah…

All the political and economic shit I read now is what I’m into I guess. And I like literature, but primarily stuff written within the last 50 to 100 years. With a few exceptions maybe.

Unfortunately, Frankenstein ain’t for me. Now I have to go to all the classes to find out what’s going on so I can write a paper on this shit.

And just so I can be a dick about it to anyone who might read it and realize it’s a fantastic piece of fiction..

“…he sprang from the cabin window as he said this, upon the ice raft which lay close to the vessel. He was soon borne away by the waves and lost in darkness and distance.”

There. I totally just ruined the ending for you.

imbarelylegal @ 2007-06-10T15:34:00

2007-06-10T18:03:34Z

Ben is bored. Someone please call him.

new place.

2007-05-03T20:24:03Z

I'm pretty unavailable for the next little while. I'm trying to steal mom and dad's cell without them realizing it. So more than likely you'll be able to reach me on that.

No internet access yet, but i'll probably be able to check randomly until we get hooked up.

come visit me. I'm not posting where I live on the net. You either know where I live already, or how to find out.

WHITE STRIPES: Does anyone have an extra ticket? I'll buy it off you immediately. I was too busy today and didn't have the time or the access to it.

imbarelylegal @ 2007-04-27T14:53:00

2007-04-27T17:23:42Z

Ben is independant.

imbarelylegal @ 2007-04-23T18:20:00

2007-04-23T20:55:50Z

man. i saw the talented mr. rigby last night for the first time. the murder scenes are brutal.

and why did the hot british guy have to get it in the end?

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

2007-04-13T03:50:39Z

(1922-2007)

All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is. Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all, as I've said before, bugs in amber.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Slaughterhouse Five

Kurt Vonnegut Jr. helped people to believe that the world could be a pretty cool place to live in. I heard on CBC today that he has passed away.

So it goes.

imbarelylegal @ 2007-04-09T05:28:00

2007-04-09T07:55:05Z

oooohhhh maah gawwwwd. Bjork's new single is the shiiittt.

It's got a wicked beat. It was produced by Timbaland. And it's political.

i'm creaming myself. right now.

big back yard

2007-04-08T06:54:35Z

this is my favorite commercial right now. see if you can guess what my favorite part is.

NOTICE:

2007-04-04T01:00:50Z

I'm currently searching for a place, or a roommate who is willing to move in with me.

I am presently taking applications/offers. Please contact me. I will be available by mid-april.

Downtown area preferred/required.

Sincerely,
Ben

imbarelylegal @ 2007-03-22T01:55:00

2007-03-22T04:27:20Z

I know some of you will just laugh at this, but it's a sincere request.

Does anyone have tonight's episode of Survivor taped?

I got out of bed this morning at 3 in the morning so i could set up the VCR and make sure I taped survivor and so as I didn't forget to do it in the morning. I'm supposed to go over to kate's tomorrow to watch it with a bunch of people (we normally watch it on thursdays, but they changed the night, so we all rescheduled it until tomorrow), and I was in charge of taping it. Mom was "dusting" my room today while i was at class and knocked the cable out of my TV and I now have an hour of static instead.

Holy Jesus.

imbarelylegal @ 2007-03-21T16:30:00

2007-03-21T20:16:58Z

Have you ever been in a room of people when you realized that most of them have been talking about you behind your back?

Today was the most uncomfortable social experience I've ever had.

Due to a girl who has proven herself in the past to not really have a mental filter and just says things without really considering the repercussions, informed me of what several people have been saying about me. Ranging from... "he's a vindictive gay" to "he's a straight asshole". They're all within the same group, so i'm not really sure how they came to that indiscrepency.

(Also.. could someone please tell me who Laura Young is? I apparently went to jr. high with her, and she's supposedly been saying shit... but it's just weird because i don't even know who she is).

I really don't care what they've been saying, it's just that matter of being surrounded in people who you know have been talking about you... I bolted out of the class so quickly, the prof hadn't even finished talking.

Anyway, I have learned one thing from this class. Be weary of what you say to people you just met in a class.. or at least hold off until the semester is over. Compulsive liars, and girls who want to be friends with cute gay guys tend to mull together, leaving an oblivious individual who is left kind of wandering around not knowing what the fuck is going on... until a sudden realization, and impending social discomfort.

imbarelylegal @ 2007-03-14T13:59:00

2007-03-14T17:43:27Z

I hate facebook.

Whatever happened to letting past acquaintences fizzle out and die the old fashioned way? All the sudden i have people showing up who i haven't spoken to in 10 years, and know all this random shit about them. And vice versa.

But there's an obvious and voracious shift taking place, as everyone leaves behind livejournals and myspace so they can update people as to what they're doing every 5 minutes throughout the day. Once or twice wasn't enough apparently... "tim is tired, jim is at the library, janet just ate a sandwich".

anyway.. i just want people to stop using it so then i don't feel out of the loop. I started paying more attention to facebook a week ago, and realized that EVERYONE but me had one.

imbarelylegal @ 2007-03-07T15:46:00

2007-03-07T19:16:14Z

The trial edition of Microsoft Office XP ran out on my computer awhile ago, and I've been working around it for the time being. I'm starting to think that I need to actually do something about this.

Does anyone out there have Microsoft Office XP, and would they be willing to allow me to borrow it so as I can install is on my own computer?

Sincerely,
Ben

imbarelylegal @ 2007-03-05T11:35:00

2007-03-05T15:01:01Z

The "Life Network" is now called the "Slice Network".

it's a slice.

i like this test

2007-02-25T01:31:05Z

9 - the Peacemaker
Thanks for taking the test !

you chose BX - your Enneagram type is NINE (aka "The Mediator")

"I am at peace"

Peacemakers are receptive, good-natured, and supportive. They seek union with others and the world around them.

How to Get Along with Me

If you want me to do something, how you ask is important. I especially don't like expectations or pressure.
I like to listen and to be of service, but don't take advantage of this.
Listen until I finish speaking, even though I meander a bit.
Give me time to finish things and make decisions. It's OK to nudge me gently and nonjudgmentally.
Ask me questions to help me get clear.
Tell me when you like how I look. I'm not averse to flattery.
Hug me, show physical affection. It opens me up to my feelings.
I like a good discussion but not a confrontation.
Let me know you like what I've done or said.
Laugh with me and share in my enjoyment of life.

What I Like About Being a Nine

being nonjudgmental and accepting
caring for and being concerned about others
being able to relax and have a good time
knowing that most people enjoy my company; I'm easy to be around
my ability to see many different sides of an issue and to be a good mediator and facilitator
my heightened awareness of sensations, aesthetics, and the here and now
being able to go with the flow and feel one with the universe

What's Hard About Being a Nine

being judged and misunderstood for being placid and/or indecisive
being critical of myself for lacking initiative and discipline
being too sensitive to criticism; taking every raised eyebrow and twitch of the mouth personally
being confused about what I really want
caring too much about what others will think of me
not being listened to or taken seriously

Nines as Children Often

feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
tune out a lot, especially when others argue
are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Nines as Parents

are supportive, kind, and warm
are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test?
so S P R E A D I T ! tell everyone!!! (use Quick-Paste below) and
please don't forget to RATE it...
(but remember! it had only two questions!!! That surely makes it worth a "5", right ;-)))

you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type...

...even more you'll find in Google

or do you prefer to

You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose BX

Would you rather have chosen:

AX (SEVEN)

CX (TWO)

BY (FOUR)

BZ (FIVE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on ABC

You scored higher than 99% on XYZ

Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

awwwwesome

2007-01-31T17:46:08Z

FACT: The apocalypse has come. All are dead. You never should've asked her out.

The Last Man on Earth
Random Brutal Sex Dreamer (RBSDm)

Shit, rejected again. You are The Last Man on Earth.

Sorry, but most women would rather see the human species wither to an end--and therefore deny the most fundamental instinct that living creatures have--than sleep with you.

We've learned the following: you don't think things through. You're haphazard. You're dangerous. You're somewhat inexperienced. It's totally obvious that you're a horny bugger, as well. Everybody knows that and steers clear.

To top things off, when you do find your way into a relationship, you tend to be a dick somewhere down the line and fuck it all up.

Your exact opposite:
The Gentleman

Deliberate Gentle Love Master

There's a small, but negligible, chance we're wrong. In any case, your friends find your shit hilarious. There's nothing cooler than a dude reducing himself to human rubble.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Sonnet

CONSIDER: Half-Cocked, The Nymph

Deliberate	Gentle	Love	Dreamer	The Slow Dancer	The Sonnet
Deliberate	Gentle	Love	Master	The Gentleman	The Maid of Honor
Deliberate	Gentle	Sex	Dreamer	The Backrubber	The Intern
Deliberate	Gentle	Sex	Master	The Bachelor	The Dirty Little Secret
Deliberate	Brutal	Love	Dreamer	The Mixed Messenger	The Priss
Deliberate	Brutal	Love	Master	The False Messiah	The Battleaxe
Deliberate	Brutal	Sex	Dreamer	The Billy Goat	The Nymph
Deliberate	Brutal	Sex	Master	The 5-Night Stand	The Stiletto
Random	Gentle	Love	Dreamer	The Boy Next Door	The Window Shopper
Random	Gentle	Love	Master	The Loverboy	The Peach
Random	Gentle	Sex	Dreamer	The Poolboy	The Nurse
Random	Gentle	Sex	Master	The Playboy	The Playstation
Random	Brutal	Love	Dreamer	The Manchild	The Wild Rose
Random	Brutal	Love	Master	The Vapor Trail	The Sudden Departure
Random	Brutal	Sex	Dreamer	The Last Man on Earth	Half-Cocked
Random	Brutal	Sex	Master	The Hornivore	Genghis Khunt

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.

imbarelylegal @ 2007-01-25T03:43:00

2007-01-25T07:08:17Z

What's facebook?

And why do i get a bunch of e-mails in my hotmail account every week saying people have added me to it?

Current Backgammon Standings:

2007-01-22T03:09:41Z

Neil: 3 Ben: 0

Jill: 0 Ben: 0

Mike: 0 Ben: 0

Randy: 0 Ben: 0

Ellen: 0 Ben: 0

Chris: 0 Ben: 0

Habeeb: 0 Ben: 0

Matthew: 0 Ben: 0

It's a bad start. But I'll redeem.

Updated: Jan 21, 2006

imbarelylegal @ 2007-01-07T15:44:00

2007-01-07T19:14:08Z

to any MUN students reading this:

I challenge you to one or more games of backgammon at bitters on campus. If you know how to play, you know how good it is.. if you do not.. I will teach you, and you will realize how good it is.

All my courses are in queens college this semester and most of my courses are three hour seminars on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays. This means huge gaps in my schedule.

Backgammon is the obvious solution.

so... SHHHAALLLENNNGEEEE.

Thank yous for early xmas gifts

2006-12-17T21:20:28Z

Thanks to Bekah for buying me that beer at CB's. I'll get you back on New Years or sooner.

Thanks to John for buying me that coffee and chocolate dip donut at work. It saved me from having to beat the unlikely odds of fulfilling the demands of that "back in 1 minute" sign that equates as my break.

Thanks to Jill for giving me that beer at her place. It softened the blow of Shane standing up Carmen at their wedding.

Big thanks to Neil for bringing me those baked vegetable crackers and dark roast from Hava Java at work. It helped soothe my quazi-mental break down/self pity.

imbarelylegal @ 2006-11-30T02:40:00

2006-11-30T02:40:21Z

Ben (ben), n. being, or the state of being, a sad bastard.
eg: you are such a ben

Call Oxford, jesus christ.

When a bunch of my friends moved away, i didn't really realize how much of my life actually moved away with them. I thought their leaving would just mean i would have to get over missing them. But now, my life is nothing but the gym, studying, and watching TV.

I've done things with people twice in the last month.

This past weekend, i ate a box of crackers. I made a concerted effort to go out and buy those specific baked vegetable crackers, because the only thought going through my head that night was "man, that was a really great box of crackers i had last weekend. i think i'll buy some more."

I have to work both saturday and sunday this weekend, and i'm grossly freaked out by it. I feel like i'm holding off some vast mental breakdown where I do nothing but work, and turn into a creepy, isolated, loser.

I've changed my degree. No more double major. The last thing I need is to hang around this place longer than I have to.

Like a drug addict, i've hit rock bottom of being a loser. Next week, I'll finally be one of those people that wears pajama pants to exams.

I'm terrified of Xmas this year.

I'm soooo agonizingly depressed. Whenever i got depressed before, I realized it was my own fault, and i just needed to do things to get myself out of a funk. But there's seriously no life for me here. Newfoundland just doesn't like me. Every other place I've gone, there are people that like me.... people that want to do shit with me. This province is like mount everest for me. I just need to scale it and try and make it over the other side... but hopefully not die before i make it to the top.

i seriously don't know what to do... a month feels like a decade, and i've got another year and a half of this shit left.

i hate that i'm writing an entry about this. i just don't know how i'm supposed to fix up my life.

I work hard. I'm not an asshole... everyone told me: "work hard, be nice"... I thought i was in the clear.

imbarelylegal @ 2006-10-08T05:15:00

2006-10-08T05:22:35Z

I need a life filled with more conversations like last night's. And more study tuesdays.. not necessarily on tuesday.

Alas.. saturdays and weekends still suck balls for the most part. The only hi-light was seeing the late night guys at the gym.

I like close friends. But unfortunately they all left... they ain't comin' back either. I don't blame them.

I think I'm going to change my degree slightly. No more double majors. I need to get out of here sooner than this.

imbarelylegal @ 2006-10-01T04:44:00

2006-10-01T07:35:27Z

I feel kind of stuck lately.

I study, I go to class, and watch mindless tv shows like "The Nanny" and "Grace Under Fire" on Tvtropolis over and over and over... I realized neither makes me laugh... but I still keep watching them.

Every weekend comes and goes, and now they're all just starting to blend together. I went to see the Black Dhalia (not very good) with jill on friday, and I realized it's the first thing I've done in weeks. I feel totally apathetic about seeing people or even bothering to make phone calls anymore. Despite that I'm still really lonely.. but not really lonely for anyone in particular. I went from having friends, to a couple of friends, to a couple of acquaintences that I see from time to time.

I'd like to feel some sense of social security... but instead I've kind of stopped enjoying things all together.

I've avoided writing about this or anything in live journal.. it kind of ends up with the connotation that I'm blaming someone, and throw it out and around for sympathy.

That's not the case though. I've just felt kinda down since classes started.. and even for a few weeks before that. It's no one's fault.. I think this is something that's developed over a period of time and now its just reached its peak (maybe I should have been better prepared for this? I kind of thought I was though?). I haven't really had anyone to talk to for awhile, so I just ended up writing about it "on the line".

I just want friends that feel kind of like family. But I'm starting to think that it's something I won't have... not now anyway. definitely not for awhile.

damn :(

imbarelylegal @ 2006-09-04T06:14:00

2006-09-04T08:40:58Z

as i sit drunk at my computer at a very late hour.. i found that steve irwin the crocodile hunter has died due to a sing ray.

Despite the fact I never really saw his show or watched his movie.. This still makes me sad.

poor guy.

imbarelylegal @ 2006-07-10T15:16:00

2006-07-10T11:57:00Z

So i watched the world cup at 1 in the morning today with a few of the people on my trip and a bunch of koreans. I wasn't really going for either team until a few hours before when i decided to back the italians.. just because i don't like the french. So for once in this entire tournament the team that I wanted to win actually won. Go italy!

I went to a small town on saturday called Novgorodets (I don't really know how to write it in English). It's about 2 hours outside of Nizhny, and they specialize in making ginger bread. Not the type were usually used to. Like, big puffy kinds that they print designs into. My friend and I went to a tea service deal where there was a bunch of it on the table, and I didn't even really like it that much. It was good.. but, at the time, nothing to write home about. Nonetheless, it was traditional, and i bought two huge bags of it for about 70 roubles (around $2.50). The plan was to eat one bag and take the other one home for people to try. Anyway, I woke up sunday morning and the first thought that popped into my head was "oh yeah, I have gingerbread"... I ripped out the bag and ate about 6 in 5 minutes. There's fucking crack in them or something. I haven't been able to stop eating them, and now they're almost gone. I'm going to try and stop into the town again when we go to Moscow, but even then, I'll probably just eat them all before I get to Canada. There was a museum we went to that had 500 year old gingerbread on display behind a glass case. Even that looked appetizing.

The town was pretty cool. Really small and literally a baby making machine. There were pregnant women everywhere and women pushing carriages all over the place. Most women here get married and have kids by the time they're about 21 or 22. But this small town was out of control.

I went to a really cool restaurant with a bunch of people because it looked like they had good traditional Russian food, and it seemed pretty affordable too. It turned out to be REALLY classy. We should have realized that the prices were way above what most people were willing to pay here, but it worked out anyway. This place was SWANK. I was allowed to smoke inside, and I'm used to killing myself in cold weather and being forced out into the streets. Every time I finished one cigarette the guy would come over and replace my ashtray with another SILVER ashtray. I ordered the best coffee that's ever existed that was served with chocolate and chocolate covered expresso beans. The tea came in expensive china... I was intense. The food was wicked.... and brought in a type of presentation that I never knew existed.

Walking down the big pedestrian street after was great. I was a warm evening and everything became really relaxed. There were buskers all over the place, but not the kind of buskers we're used to. Teenagers on the street playing really beautiful classical music trios on violin and balalaka that I'd pay to hear (I did.. but i mean, ticket cost money).

The guy without legs begging for money and the man with the dog holding the tin it's mouth that was also begging for money, and the etc. etc. etc. are sad, and it's so bizarre to see these things outside of a dolce and gabanna next to a old woman selling raspberries and potatoes.

One of us was accosted by a gypsy. Luckily all they got was water.. but I'm glad there's at least one gypsy story that came out of this.

There was this wicked party truck driving around Nizhny on Saturday. They were playing this 'actually good' euro dance stuff and had a bunch of people dressed up and working it in the back of this giant truck. Envision a parade set up kind of deal, and "Electric Circus" in a legitimately entertaining kind of way. They were advertising this party that was taking place in a bunch of clubs across Russia (including Nizhny) called "water". It cost 1500 roubles to get in, which is way more than any of us is able to afford, or anyone that we've laid eyes on since we got here... considering the truck however.. it looked like a blast.

We've been hanging around this guy named Yuri for awhile. He likes Radiohead and Placebo. He's got the "tortured artist" vibe which is interesting to see in a russian context. The difference is that they actually have educated opinions instead of things they watched on TV or read on some "e-zine"... plus he's hot... Russian men are hot.

Went to picasso again. The vibe was really different. It was mostly rich old men and hot young russian women trying to get said rich men. And man.. they'll do anything. There were stripper-offs on a pole, bitch fights, INTENSELY revealing clothing, and some tawdry lap dances.

I wasn't going to go because it cost so much the first time, but because they didn't have some italian dj visiting the place, it was cheaper. They had absynthe on the menu, and a few of us had decided to do it the proper way and everything (like, sugar, smoke inhalation and what not).. and then when we got really excited, I ordered and they were all out... I was so sad. So i drank more.

There are these small white puffy things floating all around the city that the people here call "pook" (think with a russian accent.. it's much cooler). When the wind picks up the least bit, then they start blowing all over the place and it looks like snow... but it's still really warm out. That's the kind of snow i can deal with.

The weather has gotten really hot again, but I feel much more able bodied in deaing with it this time (about 30 degrees). It's supposed to go up to 40 in the next couple of days though. I'm not so sure about that.

I feel really disconnected from the media, and politics, and petty shit small town shit over here because I hardly ever hear the news and I'm new to a place where I'm only just getting to know people of all different backgrounds. I love it.

I had a dream last night that the trip was over and I was back in St. John's. I started to get all worked up and anxious until i woke up in a terror and breathing really heavy.. then I ate some gingerbread. I miss people... but i love this place.

Anyway, I have more to write, but I'll stick it in a journal. My time is about to run out... and the guy next to me is listening to this really loud Russian hardcore death metal music. I can't handle it anymore.

Russian love,
Ben